All the Things She is or Was
by That-geek-in-a-hat
Summary: A collection of drabbles on Sharon Raydor. We all know what the show lacked so I wrote some ideas down. Enjoy and review if you like it. I think the format issues are fixed now.
1. Student

**Author's Note: **_Uploading this a second time as it formatted weirdly, the first time. So this is just a collection of drabbles about Sharon Raydor, we know the show didn't offer us that much about her character. I was having some thoughts and the following five drabbles were what came of them. I am also placing Sharon's birth year as 1955 (which is guess work because a certain someone didn't give her a birthday or age)._

**Disclaimer: **_I don't own the characters, just playing around in the sandbox._

**Student**

_Age: 20_

The young woman placed her planner down and looked the larger calendar on her wall. If she could just finish this essay then she would be ahead of schedule and that would give her a free day to go to dinner with Jack Raydor.

She tapped her pen against the wood of her desk, she looked at her notes the bright colours of her highlighters merged together and all she could see was a pile of lines; nothing was jumping out at her. With a frustrated groan she packed up her things and walked out, she had to finish her essay and it wasn't going to happen in her dorm.

In the library, the librarian greeted her as she always did, they were on a first name basis now; it had been 3 years since she had started and Gwen had seen the young woman everyday of her first year and almost every day of her second and now, in her third year Sharon and Gwen would often converse on the delights of just being in the old library the smell of books and wood around them.

Sharon finds a quiet corner, she flicks the small desk light on and begins to scribble some quick notes, just to keep herself motivated. After this she takes her pen and writes she flicks to her notes every so often and after a painstaking 3 hours she has completed her essay.

She sits back and with a gleeful grin scores the bold letters in her planner: COMPLETE ESSAY EARLY.


	2. Heartless

**Heartless**

_Age:35_

The situation had been quite impossible in the first place. The officer she was investigating had been involved in a case where a young woman was being pimped out by her drug addicted father. However, that did not excuse this officers behaviour.

Sharon had been called in early to be told that Officer Finlay had been involved in an incident with the father. He had beaten the man and as a result he had be hospitalised. This had sent her into a downward spiral of 72 hours to figure out what happened next. There was pressure from all sides; her commanding officer - who made it clear that they shouldn't be promoting the brutality - her fellow officers, the press who were of course sniffing around the case and jumping on any of the bits and pieces they could get their hands on. Sharon did feel some compassion to the officer. He had just been promoted and he had two young children, which she could relate to. If the press figured out anything more, if Finlay's family went to the press who knows what could be said about her colleagues. She did her job to protect their image and integrity.

The 72 hours were hellish she pulled long hours and barely got to see Emily and Ricky, she hoped they would be too young to remember the times she was away this much.

After she had conducted her interviews and collated reports and evidence she felt that by only sending him to a few months anger management was not enough. The victim had been hospitalised. That was the bottom line: Finlay had sent a man to hospital and no matter how low someone was they shouldn't be a victim of such brutality; no one should. The police were supposed to adhere to the rules they made and it was unacceptable to act otherwise.

That was how Sharon justified it.

It felt cruel, but consequences so often are.

The following day, after she had told Finlay his employment was terminated, when she took his badge and his gun. Mrs Finlay stormed in protesting the decision, claiming she would sue, that the father was scum and deserved what he got. That her husband was an honourable man and didn't deserve to be treated like a criminal.

Sharon approached the woman and tried to diffuse the situation explain her decision but the younger woman was not listening, and she raised her hand and struck Sharon. As Sharon held her cheek, her fellow FID officers dealt with the woman. Sharon stood shocked her handgently stroking her cheek; how was she going to explain that to her children. She took a deep in and tried to focus on something else but she could hear Mrs Finlay's shouts as she was taken from the room.

"How could you be so heartless?"

Even now as Sharon sat in the small chair of her children's shared bedroom, she could hear Mrs Finlay's words ringing in her ears, was she heartless? Sharon was beginning to understand that in FID you had to be. That protecting the police's integrity was not simple or widley popular. There was no denying Sharon was tough, she had spent her air share in the line of duty handling guns, drugs and violent criminals but that did shape up against the toughness she needed to police the police.

Heartless.

That is what she needed to be, or at least appear.

She stands slowly, first kissing Emily's forehead and then her son's as she retreats from the room she squares her shoulders. If they called her heartless then that is what she would be. That would be her front and way to cope.

**-MC-**

**A/N: Hope this was good and enjoyable to read. Let me know in a review, thanks very much**


	3. Actor

**Actor**

_Age: 34_

It had been the typical morning rush, it seemed as though that's all mornings were since Jack had left. She had to get herself dressed and fed before waking the children and doing the same for them. The new job and the hours attached helped; unless she was called in, her start time was 9 am and for now that was working but that was about to change.

In the last 6 months since her husband had officially abandoned her and their children, Sharon's budget had been struggling. Yes, her parents had visited and offered her money but she had shooed them away after a week. She had to take control, so when Emily handed her an envelope with red writing stamped across the front she felt sick. Taking it from her daughter's small hands she knew she couldn't read it, but Emily _asked_.

"Mommy what is it? Is it from Daddy, is he coming home?" her questions only made Sharon feel worse. In all honesty she wanted to tell Emily that her father wasn't to be trusted or relied upon because he couldn't stick to anything, except a risky hand of cards at the poker table but she couldn't say that to such a small child. Jack was her father and always would be. There was no use in poisoning the relationship any further. Emily still idolised her father despite his disappearing act, she theorised that her daughter clung to this idea of her father as a way to cope. She took a deep breath and smiled, running a gentle hand over Emily's hair.

"No daddy didn't send it, he is busy right now. It's for mommy and you don't need to worry because I can handle it, okay?" she hoped she had been convincing enough but taking into account that Emily had just turned 5 it wasn't difficult to fool her. The young girl nodded and went to put on her shoes, Sharon let out another sigh and turned to her son who simply looked up with wide eyes, with a grin to him she unlocked the knife drawer and slipped the letter inside for when she had a minute alone and didn't need to act so strong.

**A/N: I feel like I am on roll with this updating malarkey. I hope I'm being somewhat accurate with ages, I think now I am placing Emily's birth year at '85 and Ricky '88, if you notice a continuity error let me know because I am terrible with numbers. **

**Thanks for all the reviews so far, I am glad to know that there are people enjoying it, so far.**

**That-Geek.**


	4. Reader

**Reader**

_Age: 58_

Since taking on the job of replacing Brenda Leigh Johnson as the commanding officer of the Major Crimes department Sharon found the moments she had to herself where fleeting and far apart, dare she say as few as when Emily and Ricky were small. If it wasn't work, it was Rusty, and if it wasn't him it was work so when Rusty was invited to a weekend long chess trip; she was almost ecstatic to find it lined up with the weekend she wasn't on call. Not that she would let Rusty know that.

Rusty had left early and so Sharon had risen with him but that only meant she had even more time to herself. She first took time to make herself breakfast, a large fruit salad with not one but two pancakes on the side. She washed up and padded through to the bathroom where she selected some fragrances and ran herself a bath.

As she undressed and wrapped her robe around her body she noted the books atop her dresser. Her book collection wasn't as extensive as it had once been and her favourite books where in the living room, but these books had been set aside for some reason or another.

Sharon had loved to read as a child. She could remember the very first book she had read, by herself, Anna Sewell's Black Beauty, it had taken her so far from home and yet she hadn't had to leave her room. She remembered begging her parents for riding lessons but they told her no, ballet and piano were better (eventually she would quit piano and take up swimming in her spare time). After that she consumed all she could and in High school she was even happier to learn they had a book club. This did turn out disappointing as the nuns had to pass any books they read, and their tastes were, catholic, to say the least so the mystery and intrigue of Agatha Christie's novels were completely off the table which young Sharon felt was a great travesty for such talent.

Now that she was a cop her love of thriller and mystery had dwindled quite some but nevertheless she felt the space she would have this weekend would allow her some time for reading. She looked at the stack, two were autobiographies, one was science fiction that Ricky had suggested to her but the top two were romance she picked up the top one and carefully flicked through the pages humming at the weight of the book in her hands. With a satisfied grin she took it into the bathroom and read in the bath.

Her eyes followed the words and it was as though she were a child again; the narrative scooped her up and took her away. Away from Los Angles and police work and over to Italy where she was privy to a life of luxury and sweeping romance with the most eligible bachelors. The water grew cold, but she barely noticed as the leading lady was finally getting her man, she bit her lip and sighed. This was why she read so much when she was young this feeling of completion as the characters reach their goals and it felt strangely fulfilling to her.

-SHARON-

**Thanks for joining me again and thanks for all the kind reviews**

**That Geek**


	5. Observer

**Observer**

_Age: 38_

As an officer in FID, she was known for her steely look and quiet observations. Her fellow officers didn't discuss things because they knew she was just observing them and taking it all in. There was no trust.

Robbery Homicide had seen an increase in its rates of brutality and so Sharon had been tasked with writing a report on ways they could reduce their number.

One the first day she had noticed, at lunch, that Detective Flynn was alone; he was quiet which was highly unusual he had always been a smart ass constantly making quips. He was chewing a toothpick and his hands were tightly clasped. He was waiting; but for what she was unsure.

Day two she noticed that Flynn was leaning. Whenever he stood he would lean on something. As he made coffee in the break room his body was definitely leaning against the counters, his hands lazily, slowly going about the coffee making process. At his desk he would lean forward or use his hands to hold his head up, Sharon noted that it was probably fatigue; a lot of the officers in Robbery Homicide were over worked.

On the third day, she noticed the dark circles under his eyes. Her observations while not focussed on Flyn had shifted towards him. He was known for his temper and she felt she knew his 'package' quite well. As she watched him that day it made her wonder what was going on, his whole demunour had changed, most cops would aquire dark circles somewhere in their career, but Flynn's were so much darker; he had not slept, and this seemed to be concurrent with the previous days.

It wasn't until the fourth day that it all fell into place. She had left the Commander's office as Flynn was packing up and she watched him slip a flask from his drawer and take a long slow sip. He then scoffed wiping at his mouth. Sharon could only sigh her eyes falling shut; it was begining to make sense, the turmoil he was facing was rooted around that silver flask of god knows what.

She made some calls, she wanted her observations that so many distrusted to have some impact; to have some positive outcomes.

She sat in the break room waiting for everyone else to leave and then quietly she stood and slid the AA info card over to him. He looked up and for a moment she thought she could see a thankful look, but he only grunted at her. With a shrug she left, she trusted her observations.

-SHANDY-

**OK, so I want to focus on Sharon, obviously this set of drabbles is about her, but that doesn't mean Andy won't appear from time to time. There pasts collided before they got to their romantic interest part of their life and i gotta say exploring pre Shandy, Sharon and Andy was interesting to say the least.**

**If you enjoy what you read consider leaving a review **

**That-Geek**


	6. Nana

**Nana**

_Age: 69_

It delighted her that her daughter had moved back home. She hated that her children lived so far away. After a successful career with the American Ballet Theatre; with more than one European tour. Emily had decided to retire and move back to Los Angeles, opening her own ballet school and helping the next generation of ballet dancers achieve their goals.

However, this all paled in comparison to her daughter, Sharon was extremely proud of Emily in everything she did but having a baby, one beautiful granddaughter for Sharon and Andy, was the cherry on the top. Little Laura was cherished by her Nana and Pops, one of the most spoiled little girls in the area.

So, when Emily called to say her class would run late and she wouldn't be able to collect her daughter from school Sharon leapt, well metaphorically at least, at the chance to do it. She grinned all the way to the school and stood so very proudly as she waited. She waved gently as she saw the 5-year old's red curls bounce out of the building and towards her.

"Nana" She gleefully greeted Sharon launching her small body at her Nana's legs and holding tightly. Sharon's hand reached down and stroked the unruly hair.

"Hi poppet, how was school?" she took the little backpack as they walked back to the car.

"It was cool, we learnt about hearts, and lungs, and isestines" she announced happily, Sharon chuckled and corrected her, it was pronouced intestines. Laura continued to talk about her day and all the colouring and labelling she had down on the Skeleton until they got to the car and as she was being strapped into the car seat she looked at her Nana and gently placed her hand on her cheek.

"You had another heart" she whispered, and Sharon smiled nodding gently.

"I did, but it made me sick and I had to get a new one, so I could meet you" she kissed the tiny hand. She teared up at the thought of having never known the child in front of her. Sharon had always enjoyed being a mother but being a grandmother, being Laura's Nana was even more fun.

"I'm glad I met you, Nana" the little girl whispered again prompting them to giggle together. Sharon placed a chaste kiss on her forehead and closed the door, so they could drive to Nana's house and see Pops, who was probably whipping up an extravagant afternoon snack in the kitchen.

-SHARON-

**Ok, so this is the last on in the weird spelling order (SHARON) that I originally came up with. However I had so much fun doing these and this last one like low-key made me cry and I fell in love with the tiny world that was made that I just kept writing drabbles. If you want to see those let me know AND if there is one area you want me to explore I'd be happy to take requests.**

**Next time: Daughter**

**That-Geek**


	7. Daughter

**Daughter**

_Age: _57

Her father was gone.

He was dead, and she was struggling to comprehend it. Her parents had always been older than the average parents, but she couldn't quite grasp the concept of his death. Her father was a healthy man; never smoked or drank heavily but he was _old._

Her mother had requested she write and read a eulogy, but his funeral was a day away and she had a blank page. She hadn't really had time to be by herself; her mother and her children had needed her and if she was being honest she was grateful for that.

Now, she was alone and she was flicking through a bible trying to find the perfect quote to capture her thoughts and feelings of her father, it had to be perfect; the right kind of quote would be hopeful and it would celebrate him and not focus on the pain and hopelessness that comes with death. She had always been a planner but you can't really plan for the death of your parents.

So, Sharon sits on the window seat of the upper floor of her parent's house, the bible balancing on her knees, her hands brushing over the aged pages. How many times had she and her father looked at this book together? It sounds weird but her father had always been ready to have a healthy debate over what was being portrayed. Sharon had a habit of trying to pick it apart until her father explained the roots of each phrase and what she should take from it.

Sharon tried to look for a root, something she could use to anchor her eulogy in.

What did her father mean to her?

What did it mean to her to be her father's daughter?

For a moment, she thought of her sister Joanie, but pushed the thought away. She had to focus on this death not ones of the past.

She wipes away the tears that have escaped and tries to find the words that will correctly honour her father's memory. In all the times she has found comfort in her religion her father's passing is not one of them, she realises that this is probably because most of her memories involve her father. She looks out over the garden and knows the one thing that would bring her comfort is to sit and have tea with her father and just listen to him and his stories.

-SHARON-

**Next time: Shopper**

**Author's Note: Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing. I really love seeing that others are enjoying. I'm not particularly religious but I hope this was okay and seemed like a Sharon way to respond. I've seen it a lot that mother's are usually the ones who school children in religion but I like to think that William's job, much like Sharon's, led him to find comfort in his religion.**


	8. Shopper

**Sister**

**Author's Note: This was inspired by an interview Mary did, as far as I remember it was near the beginning of the MC run and she was saying how excited she had been to be able to take this role further, and a shopper was on of the role's she had listed.**

**Also, thank you all so much for the lovely reviews.**

**Enjoy **

**-SHARON-**

_Age: Various_

**As a Student**

The weekly shop was something Sharon dreaded, she had a healthy budget but there were times when she'd walk around the grocery shop and long to get other things; she was tired of the same meals just because she knew how much it cost her to make.

She had control but when she would walk past the luxuries a longing expression on her face it depressed her. Her parents had helped her with college fees, but she had refused to let them help with her living costs; so she was left to wander past with big sad eyes. There wasn't a student job in the world that would allow her to purchase her favourite coffee on a regular basis.

It was better this way, she told herself, it meant that the little extra things, luxuries would be even more special when she went home for the holidays.

**On a budget **

Even in college her budget had more room, it seemed that she could never quite afford that little extra cut of meat or fish. Jack didn't have as much control as she did so, she was stuck doing the weekly shop and once again walking past the luxuries with a longing gaze.

The good coffee was off limits, sometimes she preferred the coffee _at work_ than the stuff in her and Jack's home. Sharon watched solemnly as the checkout assistant scanned her items and she handed over the total, worrying that she had spent too much and hadn't got enough food for them both to live on. As she walked back to the apartment; which was the only good thing about the weekly shop, because it was no more than 5 minutes, she dreamed of her future. Two or three children, Jack would be a successful lawyer and so would she, so she'd be heading to a car and then driving to a good sized home with a beautiful garden. The car boot filled with goodies and plenty of good coffee to keep her going on her busy days as an established lawyer.

As she heaved the bags up the stairs to her apartment she smiled, maybe one day she could afford a place with an elevator, maybe one day she could buy the good coffee or have more than one takeaway a month. Maybe one day the grocery trips every week wouldn't be so bad.

**Retired**

Sharon had always hated grocery shopping, when she was young she always seemed to be on a tight budget; even when her children were young and then when she wasn't on a budget it was just for her; it was a reminder of how lonely she was but now.

She looked over at her trolley watching her husband and granddaughter play and giggle. Andy was hiding behind tins and boxes which Laura found hilarious. Sharon shook her head as she selected the good coffee. She could remember the days when the LAPD had the 'good' coffee. She slipped it into the trolley and continued to shop picking up fruits and meats and heart healthy options. Sharon could see Laura picking things up and sneaking them into the trolley; Andy pretending not to notice, and she just chuckled she was finally not on a budget which meant that all of Laura's choices could stay, more or less.

As they wheeled the trolley to the car, in which they would they would drive to their home which was a place of happiness, love and well stocked cupboards, she grinned to herself she had finally reached the perfect future she had always dreamt of.

-SHARON-

**Next Time: Sister**


	9. Sister

**Sister**

_Age: Various_

When Sharon was growing up her sister Joanie was her idol, she seemed to be everything she wasn't. Tall and graceful, popular and confident so she tried to follow her every move going as far as spying on her sister as she got ready for her days of high school.

5-year-old Sharon would crouch outside of her sister's door peeking around to watch as her sister dressed, even with her uniform she looked classy and perfect. Little Sharon would then scuttle back to her own room and try to copy the hairstyle where her sister had curled her hair, wrapping strands around her pencils to try and get it to curl. Even when Joanie would laugh it was endearing to her because the next moment she was sitting next to the little girl and telling her how to curl her hair properly. Of course there were times when Sharon hated Joanie and Joanie resented her younger sister but at the end of the day, or rather the start of the day they were sisters and Joanie was older and wiser than her sister and tried to set a good example for her.

The two sisters grew up with Joanie and Sharon staying close despite their age difference. Sharon continued to idolise her sister, but she was able to establish her own sense of style. The thing Sharon idolised most of her sister was her bravery. Sharon wasn't brave she was calculated; she didn't do things unless there was reason or a considerable lack of risk.

Joanie did whatever she felt was right in the moment which is why when she graduated college she chased her dream of becoming a doctor, which was a great career it was the decision to enter the army as a medical doctor that was that one step forward, the further brave step that Sharon admired so much. Joanie was deployed and while it was nerve-wracking for the whole family they knew she was protecting and helping others.

Sharon wrote to her sister every week; told all about her own studies and her personal life; hoping that her sister would be able to inspire her to be more impulsive and that she did. Her sisters influence was a huge factor in her decision to accept Jack's wedding proposal and to continue to serve in the LAPD.

After some time of living and working LA. Sharon was struggling, money was tight, and she feared that she might be pregnant. The young woman was so scared of how this would impact her life and how Jack might respond. So she wrote to her sister as she often did when she couldn't find it in herself to brave, but her sister didn't respond. It usually took 8 days for her sister's response to arrive, but it had been 15 days and there was still nothing.

Joanie had died. She had died saving lives.

Losing her sister felt weird, geographically they were never very close. Joanie spent a lot of her time overseas and when she was in the States she stayed in the area they had grown up in rather than the LA area. Emotionally, they were so close, Sharon could talk to her sister about anything; and while the response was usually quite impulsive there was always something that Sharon could take on board.

So looking over at the home pregnancy kit to see that it had come positive; Sharon could feel everything slipping out of control but she had to be brave, to channel her sister it was vital for her babies future.

-SHARON-

"Mom, I want change my name!" Emily raged as she came into the living room, throwing her bag on the floor. Sharon turned to her daughter and smiled.

"Now, why do you want to that?" Emily huffed and explained that they had been going over family trees and that a lot of her class-mates grandparents had the name Joan.

"Emily, your middle name is a family name," Sharon told her daughter and wrapped an arm around her shoulders and guided her to the sofa, "when I was pregnant with you, my sister, your aunt passed away and I missed her so much that I named you after her" Sharon told her, tears creeping into her eyes.

"I had aunt?" Emily asked.

"You did. She was the bravest woman I knew and when your father and I named you, he chose Emily because it means to strive, and I chose Joan because of your aunt." She explained brushing her daughter's hair away from her face.

"What did she look like? Do I look like her?" Emily sat up a new sense of pride in her name taking over. Sharon chuckled and took a deep breath.

"Why don't you go and get ready for ballet and while you're there I will look for a picture of Joanie and show you afterwards, okay?" Emily nodded and left the room considerably happier than she had entered it.

-SHARON-

Sharon knew exactly where to get a photograph of her sister, they were in the same place they had been put when the three of them moved into this house. She had not touched the photo album since she had moved it out of the old hose and into the new house.

She dropped Emily to ballet and Ricky to baseball before returning home and collecting the photos. She laid the album on her bed and then selected a further few from the box that were her favourite.

When Emily and Ricky returned she showed them the photos and explained to them both who their aunt had been. That Joanie was brave and loving, and by having her relationship with her sister she had been influenced to be the person she was today.

-SHARON-

**Next Time: Lover**


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